| hello there, old friend.
the neighborhood's just not the same anymore. the daisies are wilted and the sun doesn't shine enough for more to grow.
i've made up my mind. my bags are packed and my new pad is all lovely.
come visit me sometime.
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| There are twenty-three days left of summer. So why does it feel like I just left school not even a week ago?
I feel like my brain has turned to mush. It's as mushy as mashed potatoes.
I love video games.
Also, I think I might be falling ill. Caught this bug that has been bugging my house for the past week and a half. And I don't think me staying up until five in the morning is going to help chase it away.
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| 012 THINGS I WISH I COULD SAY TO TEN DIFFERENT PEOPLE RIGHT NOW.
001 I-I wish you'd take me seriously. I'm not that child you once knew before, dammit!...But it's not like you're home much to know that, anyway.
002 Is it wrong that I think of you as my personal therapist? I know you're probably the farthest thing from it, but you know, I've always felt that you've accepted me, whatever, whoever I am.
003 I don't know why, but for about fifteen years, I've had this massive crush on you. Maybe because we were so alike in so many ways, but I'm glad it's over now and you know, you've just become a great friend now.
004 Hahah, you're such a great friend that sometimes I wonder how it's like to be married with you. Spend a life with you. I don't want to get married, but is that so bad?
005 Honestly, sometimes you make me feel so stupid.
006 I'm still sore right now, about how you can break promises to me so easily and go on like you don't know. I was patient and I worked my ass off, all while you put dreams into my head, and all I get is coal.
007 I...Sometimes I wish-- I hope I die before you. Because I can't live without you.
008 I-I k-know it's wrong, but maybe I did have this teeny-tiny crush on you. B-but, don't worry! It's going away.
009 I hope you'll be my college buddy. Because you've just been a rock for me all this time.
010 G-godammit, I just want to make you proud, okay?!
011 I'm so glad for you, you know that? My life would SUCK without you.
012 You...I...We changed, okay? I know I love you, but I don't know if it's that same one that I held for you back then.
009 THINGS ABOUT MYSELF.
001 I don't really know-- I'm pretty sure I'm straight, but...sometimes I wonder.
002 Sex really piques my interest. But not sweet, happy-ending sex. That's boring.
003 GOD WHY AM I SO FUCKING LAZY AND LIKES TO CUT SO MANY CORNERS.
004 I keep feelings bottled up inside. Why does it feel so good when I do that and be all tragic and whatnot?
005 Dirty mind, y/y?
006 I dissect and like to figure out why I think like I do.
007 I break promises like they're saltine crackers. (wonder who I get it from...)
008 I grapple with myself-- do I really want those innocent, younger days, or do I want to see the future?
009 I think I might be born into the wrong time period (I MEAN, WHO THE HELL LIKES BIG BAND MUCH ANYMORE?)
008 WAYS TO WIN MY HEART.
001 Just...be nice to me. Be nice to me just because. Because sometimes I think I don't deserve it.
002 LIKE OMG NO WAY, YOU LIKE THE A LOT OF THE SAME THINGS I DO, TOO!?
003 Be able to live a little. Tightwads are a very do not want.
004 I think a lot of European accents cute, okay? IDK.
005 Y-you mean you accept me for all my quirks and pervertedness?
006 Let me know you'd love me. I guess I'm just insecure like that, heh.
007 Believe in me, who believes in you!
008 I'M NOT YOUR BITCH.
007 THINGS THAT CROSS MY MIND A LOT.
001 the future
002 how unproductive I am
003 how much of a failure I am
004 wonder if I have new email
005 school and stuff like that.
006 "LOLOLOLOL"
007 "wish I could be somewhere else right now..."
006 I DO BEFORE I FALL ASLEEP.
001 look at art that make me spazz and my brain break
002 Read smut.
003 finish up homework
004 think about unfinished homework
005 turn off the computer (I don't usually like it whirring in the background as I try to sleep.
006 brush, floss, rinse.
005 PEOPLE WHO MEAN A LOT.
001 My family
002 My cousins
003 My friends
004 MY ANIME CRUSHES OHGOD.
005 CHUCK NORRIS.
004 THINGS I'M WEARING RIGHT NOW.
001 gym shorts
002 T-shirt from Thailand
003 necklace-pendant thing that I always wear.
004 glasses
003 SONGS I LISTEN TO OFTEN.
001 "Some Might Say" - Oasis
002 "Beauty" - Yoon Gun and Lee Hyori
003 "Spaceman" - The Killers
002 THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE.
001 Have a nice vacation for once ;___;
002 Not fail at cooking.
001 CONFESSION.
001 Sometimes I hate being a girl. I really do.
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| It's the last day of that trip that I had so been looking forward to about four months ago.
About an hour ago, I had every intention to go lie in a corner with my empty promises and faded hopes. Yeah, maybe I am just being spoiled. Maybe I am throwing a tantrum. But this isn't the kind of sacrifice I want to make on vacation.
From this trip, I've figured out for sure that I want to go to college away from home. And thank goodness for that. I thought I'd have to grapple with that decision for a long while more.
Do I ever regret looking forward to anything, ever, now.
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